2017, I had high hopes. A one year. A year of new beginnings and fresh starts. I have come to the realisation that there can be no new beginning or fresh start without something first ending and causing a shift.
We lost 5 souls from our circle this year.
The twins. They were a miracle to even be conceived. They were a blessing that had been prayed for, wished for and were desperately loved. When we started loosing them i prayed and begged for them to stay. I questioned my beliefs. It has taken most of the year to be ‘okay’. I will never be the same. It has changed who I am to my core.
The Mates. Leigh’s 2 best mates Kurt & Dan, were tragically lost in a car racing accident. They have left behind young children and loving families. With my already shattered heart I comforted my husband through his grief. The devastation this accident caused is unfathomable. The knowledge of how close I came to loosing my own husband has amplified my anxiety every time he leaves the house. I don’t know if this will ever change. I think this is just who I am now.
The Grandmother. A beautiful lady who lived a rich and full life. While it is sad to lose another from our fold I am so proud to have known the great woman that she was.
Tonight I light 5 candles, one to honour each of their souls. Each is a loss and our hearts ache for all of them.
2017 was a year of endings. Of learning how to move forward, beginning this new life. Many lessons have been learnt. Patience, trust and above all love.
I spent so much of 2017 trying to control everything. How I looked, my emotions, my health. Situations that I had absolutely no control over. So 2018 is going to be a year of breathing. Of releasing and trusting that what will be, will be. I am going to love deeply, breath and let things happen the way that they are going to happen.
I welcome 2018 with open arms.
Have a blessed year & do things that make your heart happy.