Maiden, Mother, Crone

The cycle of the moon, woman and life.

How do you cope with the emotion of slowly moving onto Crone when you desperately desire to remain as Mother? What if your womanly instinct is screaming at you to reproduce while your evolutionary path is moving you on? How do you believe that all is working as it is planned and for the best when you are begging and pleading with the universe to please honour you with a child?

How do you move on?

How do you do nothing, not seek the assistance you know is readily available?

How do you continue to love and nurture a body that has failed you after 12 years of infertility and miscarriage of precious desperately wanted twins?

How do you learn to release the pain that is burning within you?

How do you accept the fate of your soul to carry this pain for the rest of this life?

When you are usually prophetic, how do you accept that your dreams betray you cycle after cycle?

Some say I am blessed, I have 2 healthy biological children from a previous relationship and an amazing step-daughter. ‘Be thankful’ they say!  ‘Adopt! Foster! IVF!’ Others advise! Some say I am ‘too old’, 41 is after all after a woman’s ‘peak’ fertility window. ‘But the risks’ they say! ‘Wait for grandchildren’ they tell me! ‘The travel’ I’m capable of! The ‘lovely home’ I can have!

For those who have never experienced the pain of infertility, miscarriage or child loss will never understand the emptiness, the longing, the pleading, the begging, the crying, the screaming, the silent praying that THIS time, THIS cycle please be the one. I don’t begrudge the words given with love to us by people who are trying their best to comfort us and want the very best for us. I am happy to carry this burden if it means that my family and friends do not have to. I sacrifice myself in the hope that they never have to know the pain that envelopes me, Every. Single. Month.

I want to nurture a child that is biologically that of myself and my husband. A child who represents the love that we have for one another. I so deeply desire that most precious gift to be bestowed upon us. My gentle, patient, big hearted husband just wants me to be happy. He would literally do whatever I ask of him to make this possible. He drinks whatever concoction I place in front of him and swallows any pill that is thrust on him.

Just as the moon has its cycle, I must learn to accept that I too must pass through these cycles. My beautiful daughter’s while very much still in their maiden cycle will one day soon take the realm of mother. It will be their turn. One day my son will find a lovely woman and with the universe willing she will also enter the cycle of mother.

Then I am sure I will enjoy the role of Crone and Grandmother that is slowly but surely coming for me.

Until that time I will continue to enjoy the realm of mother, silently praying, begging and crying with moon.

Photo credit – Pinterest

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Imbolc

Purification and Fire

August 1-2 Here in the Southern Hemisphere.

Traditionally Imbolc is the time the goddess is cleansed and purified. Milk flows for the lambs and baby God. The quickening of the Earth. Goddess preparing for her return to Maiden. The Earth prepares for the fertility of Spring. Life starts new at this time of cleansing.

Modern day Pagans may choose to honour this sabbat with ritual, creating a Brigit’s or solar cross or corn doilies.

Some other ways you may like to honour include;

  • Light a fire
  • Prepare a feast to share
  • Clearing out the old to allow the new to enter
  • Burn Yule greens to send winter on it’s way
  • Leave buttered bread overnight indoors for the fairies on the eve of the Sabbat
  • Cleanse your Alter
  • Cleanse your home with sage, rosemary and sandalwood
  • Write your troubles and anxieties on scraps of paper and burn away in your Imbolc Fire
  • Light candles of white, yellow, red and light green
  • Image Lunaesque
  • Good Night 2017

    2017, I had high hopes. A one year. A year of new beginnings and fresh starts. I have come to the realisation that there can be no new beginning or fresh start without something first ending and causing a shift. 

    We lost 5 souls from our circle this year. 

    The twins. They were a miracle to even be conceived. They were a blessing that had been prayed for, wished for and were desperately loved. When we started loosing them i prayed and begged for them to stay. I questioned my beliefs. It has taken most of the year to be ‘okay’. I will never be the same. It has changed who I am to my core. 

    The Mates. Leigh’s 2 best mates Kurt & Dan, were tragically lost in a car racing accident. They have left behind young children and loving families. With my already shattered heart I comforted my husband through his grief. The devastation this accident caused is unfathomable. The knowledge of how close I came to loosing my own husband has amplified my anxiety every time he leaves the house. I don’t know if this will ever change. I think this is just who I am now.

    The Grandmother. A beautiful lady who lived a rich and full life. While it is sad to lose another from our fold I am so proud to have known the great woman that she was.  

    Tonight I light 5 candles, one to honour each of their souls. Each is a loss and our hearts ache for all of them. 

    2017 was a year of endings. Of  learning how to move forward, beginning this new life. Many lessons have been learnt. Patience, trust and above all love. 

    I spent so much of 2017 trying to control everything.  How I looked, my emotions, my health. Situations that I had absolutely no control over. So 2018 is going to be a year of breathing. Of releasing and trusting that what will be, will be. I am going to love deeply, breath and let things happen the way that they are going to happen. 

    I welcome 2018 with open arms. 

    Have a blessed year & do things that make your heart happy.
    Aimee x

    Standing Rock Prayer 

    Goddess I call on you to stand with our brothers and sisters protecting the sacred Standing Rock . Please surround them with your protection and allow them to feel the love and strength being sent to them from around the world. May the people with the authority to stop the attack on this site see reason . May the voice of your children be heard. 

    Brothers and sisters protecting Standing Rock. Thank you for your ongoing protection of our Mother. Feel her ancient blood running through your veins. Allow our love and energy to give you the courage to keep fighting. We are all still with you. 

    Blessed Be x