Maiden, Mother, Crone

The cycle of the moon, woman and life.

How do you cope with the emotion of slowly moving onto Crone when you desperately desire to remain as Mother? What if your womanly instinct is screaming at you to reproduce while your evolutionary path is moving you on? How do you believe that all is working as it is planned and for the best when you are begging and pleading with the universe to please honour you with a child?

How do you move on?

How do you do nothing, not seek the assistance you know is readily available?

How do you continue to love and nurture a body that has failed you after 12 years of infertility and miscarriage of precious desperately wanted twins?

How do you learn to release the pain that is burning within you?

How do you accept the fate of your soul to carry this pain for the rest of this life?

When you are usually prophetic, how do you accept that your dreams betray you cycle after cycle?

Some say I am blessed, I have 2 healthy biological children from a previous relationship and an amazing step-daughter. ‘Be thankful’ they say!  ‘Adopt! Foster! IVF!’ Others advise! Some say I am ‘too old’, 41 is after all after a woman’s ‘peak’ fertility window. ‘But the risks’ they say! ‘Wait for grandchildren’ they tell me! ‘The travel’ I’m capable of! The ‘lovely home’ I can have!

For those who have never experienced the pain of infertility, miscarriage or child loss will never understand the emptiness, the longing, the pleading, the begging, the crying, the screaming, the silent praying that THIS time, THIS cycle please be the one. I don’t begrudge the words given with love to us by people who are trying their best to comfort us and want the very best for us. I am happy to carry this burden if it means that my family and friends do not have to. I sacrifice myself in the hope that they never have to know the pain that envelopes me, Every. Single. Month.

I want to nurture a child that is biologically that of myself and my husband. A child who represents the love that we have for one another. I so deeply desire that most precious gift to be bestowed upon us. My gentle, patient, big hearted husband just wants me to be happy. He would literally do whatever I ask of him to make this possible. He drinks whatever concoction I place in front of him and swallows any pill that is thrust on him.

Just as the moon has its cycle, I must learn to accept that I too must pass through these cycles. My beautiful daughter’s while very much still in their maiden cycle will one day soon take the realm of mother. It will be their turn. One day my son will find a lovely woman and with the universe willing she will also enter the cycle of mother.

Then I am sure I will enjoy the role of Crone and Grandmother that is slowly but surely coming for me.

Until that time I will continue to enjoy the realm of mother, silently praying, begging and crying with moon.

Photo credit – Pinterest

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Good Night 2017

2017, I had high hopes. A one year. A year of new beginnings and fresh starts. I have come to the realisation that there can be no new beginning or fresh start without something first ending and causing a shift. 

We lost 5 souls from our circle this year. 

The twins. They were a miracle to even be conceived. They were a blessing that had been prayed for, wished for and were desperately loved. When we started loosing them i prayed and begged for them to stay. I questioned my beliefs. It has taken most of the year to be ‘okay’. I will never be the same. It has changed who I am to my core. 

The Mates. Leigh’s 2 best mates Kurt & Dan, were tragically lost in a car racing accident. They have left behind young children and loving families. With my already shattered heart I comforted my husband through his grief. The devastation this accident caused is unfathomable. The knowledge of how close I came to loosing my own husband has amplified my anxiety every time he leaves the house. I don’t know if this will ever change. I think this is just who I am now.

The Grandmother. A beautiful lady who lived a rich and full life. While it is sad to lose another from our fold I am so proud to have known the great woman that she was.  

Tonight I light 5 candles, one to honour each of their souls. Each is a loss and our hearts ache for all of them. 

2017 was a year of endings. Of  learning how to move forward, beginning this new life. Many lessons have been learnt. Patience, trust and above all love. 

I spent so much of 2017 trying to control everything.  How I looked, my emotions, my health. Situations that I had absolutely no control over. So 2018 is going to be a year of breathing. Of releasing and trusting that what will be, will be. I am going to love deeply, breath and let things happen the way that they are going to happen. 

I welcome 2018 with open arms. 

Have a blessed year & do things that make your heart happy.
Aimee x

The sad story of a man & a woman

Let me tell you a little story about a man and a woman who loved each other dearly. The man and the woman yearned for a child of their own, one for them to share together but the universe did not bless them for 11 long years. Finally the universe decided that they were ready, that they had waited long enough & gifted them not one but two little embryos to treasure and call their own. They would be born on the 21st of November 2017. The man and the woman were shocked after all of this time but very excited that they would soon get to be parents. One day while the woman at work she noticed that there was a little bit of blood. The doctor told her not to worry and that it was perfectly normal, he told her to go and put her feet up and then questioned her religion. That doctor was a silly little old man who will no longer be practising medicine.

The next day the woman saw a proper doctor who sent her for blood tests and an emergency ultrasound. While getting ready for the ultrasound the woman had a massive cramp and one of the sweet little embryos was delivered right there & then. The ultrasound went ahead and the other sweet little embryo was still tucked away safely in his mummies tummy. For days and days the woman bleed and had multiple blood tests to measure that everything was going okay. The man and the woman laid in bed and prayed and cried and begged for the universe to please protect this little embryo but on the 04/04/17 the doctor called the woman to tell her the bad news that the second little embryo was gone too.

The man and the woman distraught with pain cried together and made a pact to never give up. Grandparents and close friends were told.

The woman decided to handle her grief in the only way she knew. Writing, essential oils, bathing. The things that bring her joy will see her through the darkest of days.

In my burner is my Meditation blend – Orange Sweet, Patchouli, Frankincense, Clary Sage, Ylang Ylang & Thyme. I also have this blended with a carrier oil in a little roll on bottle so that I can apply it through the day whenever I feel like I am drowning.

In my bath is of course magnesium and my Sweet Love blend – Lavender, Orange Sweet, Patchouli Ylang Ylang, Cedarwood, Jojoba, Jasmine

 

If you would like to purchase any of my blends, carrier oils or roll on bottles please message me through my facebook page https://www.facebook.com/wildspiritwoman

Connected Souls 

Have you ever just met someone & just clicked? Conversation flows effortlessly, a spark of curiosity. Comfortable silence. Their soul whispers to yours. An invisible cord silently connecting you together.

Some people think that a soul mate is a romantic attachment. I don’t necessarily think this is correct. I believe that we are born with a heartbeat and every now and again we meet another and their heartbeat falls in sync with ours. At that first meeting, your souls intertwine. Destiny will ensure you return your souls together if not immediately, then when the great forces of the universe determine that the time is right. 

One half of the twin flame may still have lessons to learn or perhaps some unfinished business to close. Maybe they are healing someone or teaching another. One thing is certain, in the end the connected souls will reunite. 

It may be a child, someone you are destined to have a great friendship with, a lover or a teacher. It may be for a lifetime or for an eternity. 

It’s important to allow for the universe to do what is required in what ever time it needs. Don’t force it. Allow it to play out naturally and organically. In the end the souls who are meant to be together will connect, there is no stopping it. Twin flames, soul mates, connected souls are destined to be together in every lifetime. Not always in the same form, but always together.